Tokiko's Original Spurts of Modesty
by tonieboo0013
Summary: These are poems that I've written in the past few years that are unaffiliated with Sailor Moon, but the themes and ideas could be connected. Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Drama, and Humor all apply.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

All of these were written between the ages of 11 and 17, my current age. The comments below each poem are the comments I posted when I first added these to my DeviantArt account. These are in no way based upon Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon; most were written before I got into the fandom. The 'Connections' I write are just something I decided to do to tie them into the Moon Fandom, which I've become so enchanted with.

If there isn't any date or grade specified, it's most likely from middle school, grades 7-9, ages 12-14. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in the spring of 2006, grade 9, so I was 14. Some of the things written are kind of dark, or seem odd for a 12 year old to write, but I've had depression my entire life even though I wasn't aware, and it came through in my writing. But don't worry, I've been receiving treatment for three years now and I'm all better.

I did not change one single aspect of my poems. The horrid grammar I used in grade seven is still present and I cringe when I read it. You may ask why I don't just add a few letters to let the prose make sense, but that would be defeating the whole damned purpose. My reason for uploading these poems here when they are already on DeviantArt are to show fellow Moonies, who I can relate to through that common interest, how I've grown as a writer (hopefully) and give you just a little sneak peek into my personal life.

Of course I'd like Reviews, even though these poems aren't growing at the rate of a Fiction, they're still very close to my heart (more than MW or MLS, by far) and I really care about what you guys think of them. And I see all of you who set Alerts or Favourites, or simply view my stories but don't leave one Review … that's an Author's pet peeve, I hope you know.

With that cleared up, on with the show !!


	2. Cobblestones

**Cobblestones**  
_Connected to the Silver Millennium, but I can't think of any direct similarities_

I'm on the road  
My dress torn  
Covered in dirt  
Bones broken  
I see something  
It's hard to say  
But I think it's you  
Now I only have to wait  
Wait for you to put out your hand  
And pull me onto your white horse  
While I hold onto your armour tightly  
And we ride off into the sunset  
To our lives together...  
Here you come  
I hold out my hand  
But, what's going on  
Why aren't you slowing down  
Look at me you fool  
I glance to where your eyes are going  
And I don't believe it  
It's her  
You pass me  
And save the other damsel in distress  
You take off your helmet  
And give her a kiss on the cheek  
Simple, but romantic  
Then you lift her up onto your noble steed  
She gets to hold onto your armour tightly  
And you both go down the trail  
Into the sunset  
A tear falls from my eye  
But I pick myself up  
And start to limp down the same road.

I hope your horse trips and falls on the cobblestones.

_Junior high, yada, yada._


	3. Daddy's Little Reject

**Daddy's Little Reject  
**_Connected to Rei's feelings in the manga_

you want me to be perfect  
you want me to be a star  
well I'll tell you one thing  
you took that way too far

I never try to hurt you  
I'm trying to be good  
but it just hurts so bad  
when you're the one that should

you think I'll never yell  
or bother to rebuttal  
you think I'll pay attention  
and never get into trouble

well, daddy, I have to tell you  
I'm not that perfect little girl  
dressed in shorts in summer  
and in the evening, pearl

I wanted you to love me  
for who I really am  
but I guess that'll never happen  
since I have no life plan

I wish I could just fly away  
never to return  
remember, I always looked up to you  
ready and willing to learn.

_... same time frame, folks._


	4. Insight

**Insight  
**_Connected to Usagi's thoughts during Stars_

I can't remember the last time I was content  
I know I can't stay like this forever  
It hurts to think I'm going to change

I don't know why I've put myself into this rut  
I can't even remember how it happened  
It hurts to think I've been hurting myself

I can't believe this is who I am  
I don't know who I've turned into  
It hurts to think I've broken my last resolve

I can't help but try and fix myself  
I keep trying to find my inner beauty  
It hurts to think there never was any

I try to face myself in the mirror  
I try to tell myself I can find help  
It hurts to think my self-loathing is rising

I wish I could change the past  
I don't know why I made such stupid choices  
It hurts to think I knew what I was doing

I know I am unworthy of love or approval  
I know I am and always will be a wreck  
It hurts to know how much insight I have.

_Written January 9/09. Free periods sometimes let your mind wander and somehow disperse onto paper. Who'da thunk._


	5. Listen To Me

**Listen To Me  
**_Connected to Usagi's feelings for Mamoru while they were still fighting_

Will you listen to what I have to say ?  
Will you love me then take it away ?

Should I apologize for wasting your time ?  
Do I owe you a hook and a line ?

I don't know why I'm dealing with you  
I should be gone; leave you as a fool

Put yourself in my shoes  
This game I won't lose  
You can tell me to stay  
After you push me away

Each time I try to tell you  
You let me think that we are through

You tend to hate things you don't understand  
Well in that case I'll take back my hand

Why, tell me why, did I make myself cry ?  
Why, tell me why, I wish you'd just die.

_Another song that I wrote that will never make it anywhere ... oh well._


	6. Reflections

**Reflections  
**_Connected to Usagi's worries nearing the end of Stars_

Window boy  
Climbin' on air  
Window boy  
Try not to stare

Window girl  
Will you listen ?  
Window girl  
This message won't send

Window man  
Please do not cry  
Window man  
Will you not lie ?

Window lady  
I see your plans  
Window lady  
Give me your hand

Window child  
How can we explain ?  
Window child  
We're all to blame

Mirrored human  
Do you see what I see ?  
Mirrored human  
This is what we will be.

_I wrote this a month ago, with the tune in my mind, though I doubt it'll ever be put to real music.  
__(Actually, it was written November 5/08)_


	7. Sometimes The Cloud Breaks

**Sometimes The Cloud Breaks  
**_Connected to pretty much everyone's feelings throughout the series_

Sometimes,  
I feel like I'm high  
Sometimes,  
I feel like I'm being stabbed  
Sometimes,  
I am carefree  
Sometimes,  
I feel 10 demons pulling me down  
Sometimes,  
I feel like love is effortless  
Sometimes,  
I feel like love is death  
Sometimes,  
I feel like life is always there for me  
Sometimes,  
I feel like god hates me  
Sometimes,  
The sight of your face helps me  
Sometimes,  
The sight of your face helps me vomit  
Sometimes,  
I float on a cloud  
Sometimes,  
The cloud breaks.

_I believe this was grade eight …_


	8. The Little White Pony

**The Little White Pony  
**_Connected to Hotaru's struggles growing up_

The little white pony  
The little white pony is in a race  
The little white pony knows he will win  
The little white pony is sad  
The little white pony has no friends  
The little white pony is slowing down  
The little white pony is collapsing  
The little white pony is alone in the race  
The little white pony doesn't get it  
The little white pony realizes  
The little white pony is a lie  
The little white pony is a lie to itself  
The little white pony is turning grey  
The little white pony is invisible  
The little white pony is dead  
The little white pony's spirit is lifting  
The little white pony is in heaven  
The little white pony is happy again

_A little odd, but so am I. Shocker._


	9. The Soul's Passageway

**The Soul's Passageway  
**_Connected to Usagi feeling Mamoru's pain, throughout the series_

they come from your eyes  
the passageway to the soul  
so lonely  
so cold  
numb  
you cannot feel your face  
your whole body shakes  
just wanting to stop  
but you cant  
because he's still there,  
crying.

_Grade Seven ? ... oh who cares._


	10. Three Years

**Three Years  
**_Connected to the R Break-Up_

It's been three years since I last saw you  
Dragging me out of the ocean  
And into the sea of uncertainty

It's been three years since I last touched you  
Rupturing my nerves with your heart  
The heart that was tied to mine

It's been three years since you last held me  
My blanket of security  
Drifting out from under me

It's been three years since I last saw you laugh  
Eruptions of joy pouring from your soul  
The contagious feeling connecting us

It's been three years since you last told me you loved me  
My throat choking at each moment  
I was able to say you were mine

It's been three years since I last looked into your eyes  
The emotions held within scaring me  
The love that was emanating from within

It's been three years since you last broke my heart  
Three years battling with my fears of solitude  
Three years searching for a solution

It's been three years since you last broke my heart  
Three years I have grown and matured  
Three years I have forgotten to say thank you.

_Written January 9/09. Three year anniversary of a break up. Ended up reflecting on all that's happened these past three years and realizing how much that old relationship helped me discover things about myself. Three years since I've learned to move on._


	11. Waiting For A Boy

**Waiting For A Boy  
**_Connected to Usagi's feelings when Mamoru is turned evil_

he's slipping from your fingertips  
never lets you touch his lips  
has lots of friends and lots to do  
but never any time for you  
wants you to hang out with him  
on a certain type of whim  
expecting you to forgive  
when he wont let you live  
not a possibility  
that he's living selfishly  
hell always be your safest bet  
when all the other boys reject  
maybe he will go and change  
and force our life to rearrange  
I guess ill wait for him and see  
if he's the right boy for me…

_More immature sappy heartbreak ... boo-freaking-hoo._


	12. What I Need

**What I Need  
**_Connected to the R Break-Up_

I want to cry  
I want to make you weak in the knees  
I want to talk to you  
I want to hurt myself  
I want to know why I feel so abandoned  
I want to be embraced  
I want to have the feeling of being loved  
I want to be kissed lightly, then passionately  
I want to be told nice thing  
I want to suffer  
I want to feel good enough for you  
I want to feel your body on top of mine  
I want to stay innocent  
I want to forever stay in your arms  
I want to love you less  
I want to be safe in your presence  
I want to beg at your ankles for love  
I want to be wanted  
I want to be capable of not being vulnerable  
I want to die  
I want to be told I'm beautiful beyond belief  
I want to be talented in ways I'm lacking  
I want to not want so much

I want you.

_Oh. Dear. Lord. But I'm still putting it up for the hell of it._


	13. Wishes

**Wishes  
**_Connected to R Break-Up_

Sometimes I wish I had handled  
the situation with the maturity  
and respect it deserved

Sometimes I wish you hadn't let  
let me go even though I was the  
one in the wrong

Sometimes I wish this had never  
happened and we were still best  
friends in a carefree world

Sometimes I wish there was more  
for us to do than fight and tear  
each other down

Sometimes I wish you had called  
me beautiful just once even though  
we both know it's a lie

Sometimes I wish I had given myself  
to you like you wanted instead of  
being so introverted

Sometimes I wish there was nothing  
to wish for because I was so  
madly in love with you

I'll always know wishing things doesn't make  
them happen. Not in the morning, not at  
noon. I always knew I could never be happy  
with you.

_Written January 9/09. Just one of those days, I suppose._


	14. Angel

**Angel  
**_Connected to Usagi's emotions after she beats Chaos in Stars_

hold my hand  
keep it tight  
change my life  
make it right  
look into my eyes  
they want light  
come to my window  
I want to see you tonight  
we should really get together  
please try with all your might  
I'm begging you  
you're my Mr. Right  
people see your wings  
all soft, fluffy, and white  
take me to heaven  
oh, what a beautiful sight.

_More junior high._


	15. Princess Die

**Princess Die  
**_Connects to how Serenity may have felt before Endymion came along_

she walks so fine  
so neat, so perfect  
she brushes aside her locks  
as gold as could be  
she gives the royal wave  
as if Diana from the dead  
people come up to talk to her  
to touch a piece of cloth  
to breathe the same air  
her life goes like this  
day after day  
until one day  
enough is enough  
she gets off her throne  
walks back to her castle  
drifts into the basement  
and shoots herself.

_This was written back in early junior high a year or two before I was diagnosed with depression. Go figure. Everything I upload is from junior high until I state otherwise; I changed nothing on it._

_Meaning, it's manure. I'm aware so back off._


End file.
